its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
