My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
