sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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