I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
