I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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