i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
