I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
