I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
