Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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