my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
