i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
