i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
