I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
