After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
