why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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