I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
