when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
