I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
