Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
