My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The best revenge is premature balding
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
