so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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