And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
