but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this will be a night to untag.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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