okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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