I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
