Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
