how can u be prego again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
