I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
