I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
