TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
