I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
