I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
