New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
COCAINE IS GR8
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
