Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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