Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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