Apparently you make a good broom.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
