youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
