singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
