If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
