the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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