My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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