Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
