dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
