Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
