were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
