oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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