R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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