Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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