All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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