You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
