I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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